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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Elections and Political Games: Let's Play " Elections" - and Waste $400M on another Minority

Whaddya mean,  another ELECTION !  **

Not ANOTHER election ! The cat's out of the bag.  
Do tell.   Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his minority government were defeated on Friday so  we "get to go" to the polls on May 2nd.  "  Let's play "Election"
Why were the Conservatives  defeated?  A vote of non-confidence was brought forward by non-confident Liberals.  A nasty, but predetermined vote.
We're not surprised at all.  Dissolution of the House.  Failure of the Conservatives to maintain the confidence of the House,   get it?  Failure to get along with Jack and Mikey and Gilles  in the playground at Ottawa.   They  "lost the confidence of Canadians" ,  according to Michael Ignatieff, the temporary leader of the Liberals .  Temporary, because his rating as leader is somewhat low and if he doesn't win this election, he'll likely be heading for Harvard. No matter.

So we're having an election, and regardless of cause, effect, or process, there is little else in Canada  more blatantly annoying than being  forced to listen to elected politicians  as they pretend to blame  one another for precipitating an election they equally  swear they do not want. Are we to believe them?  No.
Guess what;   Stop Fibbing,  we all know how it works.   It's a tricky politician's plan to get more  vacation time.   After all, it's  March here in Canada,  it's still cold outside,  and all good politicians  need yet another 6 weeks of  "off-the-trough, fun-sabbatical  quality time,  a.k.a.   a vacation from real work.  The holidays suffered during the winter break from December through to the end of January  were clearly inadequate.
Those same  eager combatants also have expressed a wish to avoid,  at any cost, the  aggregate responsibility of attending to the difficult work of  good governance for our Canada,  the land of frozen beavers, sovereign polar bears and  melting ice packs. No matter.
 Canadians, unbelievably,  in these tough economic times,  are  about to spend  $400,000,000,  and it's  money we should not be throwing away. Break the piggy-banks anyway.
No, it's not going to be spent on anything sensibleon our behalf,  our political " mystery shoppers"  just bought an election complete with questionable trappings.          
No reason, but would we believe it anyway?  Little credibility seems to reside in Ottawa, perhaps with the exception of a half dozen very specific individuals, but they're too busy mopping the floors to talk to us.
We  will likely end up with yet another  minority government.    The third one, by the way.   Why do we have minority governments?  Non-confidenceVoter disinterest? Bad weather?   Perhaps another contributing factor is our "unique" party system.   The Bloc Quebecois is allowed to commandeer Federal parliamentary seats without universal representation,  making the achievement of a  majority by other parties much more difficult. That distinct  monopoly seems to be politely ignored as an invisible anchor dragging behind a ghost ship, but apparently has been deemed an acceptable  part of the cost of appeasing Quebec,-- a  political aberration that is unbelievable, inexplicable and  unacceptable to thinking Canadians.
Why complain about it?  Maybe we need another REAL party. Maybe we would vote for Gilles  if they did offer the R.O.C. (rest of Canada) representation, --but alas,  he has no interest in doing so.   Gilles whines for Billions,  and more gifts for Quebec at every opportunity,  --and inevitably, he gets the goodies, so what else is new? 
No matter. On to THIS election that is already hobbled. 
 We can only imagine what happened in the House of Commons:

"Mr. Speaker, it seems nobody likes my new budget at all, nobody wants to be nice and play with me,  so don't vote, see if I care,  I'm taking all my toys home,  and if you're nice, you can see it after we win another minority on May 2nd, Mr. Speaker."
 (raucous laughter)

"Mr. Speaker,  we are obligated to listen to a  finance minister from the Honorable member opposite, even if he didn't  buy new shoes,for this important occasion, Mr. Speaker?  But come now,  ..we on this side of the house think the Honorable member across the floor would much prefer to be tossed on a matter of disrespect for Parliament instead of something as boring as a mean-spirited budget, after all..."

"Mr. Speaker, yes, yes,,,,okay,  let's do that instead, --that was a good idea brought forward by the Honorable member across the floor, Mr. Speaker."
(raucous cheering) 
"  Mr. Speaker,   like 34 Million  other Honorable,  vote-weary Canadians,  I'm  a little less skeptical now,  I see there is hope after all,  seeing such perky cut-and-dried  collusion to create the latest reason for an election we all want--er, don't want,  -- and for  the fine posturing, the offended demeanor,  and offensive childish exchanges observed in this House of Commons, all members of the House are to be congratulated for such a fine performance, Mr. Speaker."

"Mr. Speaker, along the same lines, why should we not all just get along and be happy, Mr. Speaker?  After all, Canadians, cold or not, have much to be happy about,  do they not, Mr. Speaker?
This   Honorable member suggests that Canadians should  all be happy and allow their duly elected representatives to  spend $400 million dollars yet AGAIN, especially  for an election all of our  venerable leaders  equally  insist  they do not want, Mr. Speaker, even if  we all know better, --oops,,,...is that camera turned off, Mr. Speaker?" 

"Mr. Speaker,  our committee  recommends that  we turn the cameras back on, clap our hands in unison, sing  "kumbaya",  and pass out out kudos to our political children hauling back huge salaries,  while SENIORS live  in poverty and received  a microscopic raise of  $1.56 Cdn. -- after waiting years,  Mr. Speaker,  because that was, after all, quite a good raise.   In the meantime, Mr. Speaker, our Honorable members will  busy themselves in the last few minutes of Parliament doing important things, like  handing out more  major tax credits to our  huge Corporate interests, Mr. Speaker". 
( cheering )
" Mr. Speaker,  I wish to add that we should additionally  feel all  warm and fuzzy as we celebrate the integrity of our leaders and enjoy watching  official funding  departmental  documents change  magically with black-marker,  and pay particular attention to  enjoying that last moment protocol.  Canadians should be  especially proud of this accomplishment, and celebrate the fact that any departmental document might  be adequately changed by erstwhile Ministers who are not obligated to explain "how or why" documentation is changed,  Mr. Speaker."  

"  Mr. Speaker, one  further  issue of great importance, let us all cheer wildly as we spend UNKNOWN  BILLIONS of dollars on that fleet of nice shiny F-35 fighter jets at over $60M  per copy, a  fighter jet  that cannot fly anywhere near the speed of our own Canadian Avro Arrow,  an aerospace industry that our  Honorable Dief  the Chief  and  fellow  Conservatives  killed inexplicably 50 years ago, Mr. Speaker, at the cost of 14,000 jobs in the aerospace industry, --and  Mr. Speaker, let it be known  that we are still  working diligently  at replacing those jobs  with  wait-positions  and other highly skilled jobs in our job-creation strategy we are so  happily advertising as we speak."   

"The Honorable members should also vibrate with pride as we recall the "Billion dollar G20 security party complete with fake lakes,  Mr. Speaker.  Such clever environmental planning and  spending is required to ensure the integrity of the Canadian dollar is not limited to necessary projects like million-dollar fences or spent foolishly lifting Canadians out of poverty."  
 (raucous laughter)

"Mr. Speaker, we are all Canadians here , so let us truly  jump up and down for joy,  as all of our Honorable members  do their sworn duty to Canadians.  Let us now act like Grade IV students in  a 'do or die' food fight as we fling  stale  bologna sandwiches at each other across the floor of the House.  Mr. Speaker, all Honorable members are reminded to participate vigorously,  shouting  and pointing and jumping up and down with indignity --at least  whilst on camera, for the benefit of their  attentive constituents, Mr. Speaker". 

" Mr. Speaker, finally,  let us encourage all Canadians to express delirious  delight for the coming opportunity to listen to an  endless round of lies, attack ads, accusations,  counter-accusations,  promises, and instructions on how to clothespin their  noses  to the reek of the  endless pile of political manure that will be shoveled with very large, expensive shovels, Mr. Speaker."
-- By the way, do you have any Dijon and mayonnaise  handy up there for our new coalition sandwiches,  Mr. Speaker?"
(Cheering and whacking of  an old, but re-soled  shoe on the desk of the Finance Minister)
Let us now be serious.
How fitting, and how predictable the calling of this unnecessary election,  when the  Conservative minority,  a.k.a,  "the  Harper government", as they so aptly "branded" themselves, is momentarily ahead in the polls.   Do the Conservatives  believe  they actually have a shot at a majority simply because they are slightly ahead in meaningless polls?    It is little wonder they  so quickly  thereafter  offered a meaningless budget to ensure it would be rejected by all parties, a budget  specifically offered with no amendments desired, considered, or accepted.
The Honorable Minister of Finance did not put on the traditional "new shoes" so often displayed.  He doesn't seem to get it, does he?  Many seniors live in poverty and cannot afford to install new soles on their old worn-out shoes.

  The fact that the "Harper government"  just been voted "in contempt of parliament,  disrespectful of democracy and parliament",  unethical and dripping with scandal   is almost a moot point in spite of the indignity act played so beautifully by Michael the Harvard man,  Honorable Jack,  Gilles the whiner, and  Elizabeth the Green?  
Haven't the majority of politician incumbents been unethical, dripping with scandal, names besmirched with problems of some kind, at one time or the other,  most notably just before election time?

Watch out. Be forewarned.  On May 2nd, the world will come to a complete halt, the nuclear disaster in Japan won't matter, the war in Libya will halt,  and the earth itself shall stop rotating, while  Canadians drop everything to trundle through the slush and snow,  hold their  noses, and vote for the best of the worst collection of politicians Canada has seen for many years.
After all, isn't that the Canadian way?  As one of my smartest colleagues observes, "We shall see what we shall see." 

**Note:  With thanks,  photo credit courtesy of:     http://iruntheinternet.com/  

1 comment:

  1. have i become weary and tired of the voting polls? all i can comment on is the wonderful photo, your friends?
    enjoyed the full fledged parody..why did i believe Canadians to be so much smarter? well--because they must be.


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