O is for Opportunistic unless it's for recombinant Obfuscation or other equally obtuse abuses of the English language. We're okay with that.
We are all practitioners of opportunistic obfuscation. Have we been waiting surreptitiously with abated breath for 'O' to come along? Yes. Why not, after all, O is for Opportunist obfuscation, so patiently
(While we're waiting, all parents are allowed to give the rotten kid a cookie as a bribe to stop playing with Granny's Ming vase. That's to be expected. Distraction works )
We revel in the opportunity to obfuscate the apparent, to cloud the issues, to offer distractions and subtractions, if only to ensure our success. Life offers such wonders and hooks at every turn, left or right, but they're not usually good enough, we make additions and throw up smokescreens, behind which we hover, hide and at times, smirk happily. Why muddy the waters, and confuse the senses of the normally sensible? It's fun. It's a challenge.
It's easy too. At times it is advantageous to befuddle the process of logic to achieve an end, whether it is a joke, a hoax, the end of a relationship, the end of a business arrangement, or to offer a minor and interesting but hopeful distraction when conversation is headed the wrong direction. To save face. To save the skin. Over the speed limit, for example;
|Obfuscation in progress|
"um...Good evening, officer, is there ringing in your ears? Does it sound like a fire alarm ? The fire alarm in my building sounds like a cell phone now, it was changed a few months ago when the building changed ownership."
"Uh huh". "Not me, my eyes are fine too, and you were forty over the limit...."
" uh...The new owner of my building is a hot chick too, that blonde with the red Mustang --the one just ahead of me back there. Did'ya see that thing go by? It's got a nitro turbocharged OHC , she passed me, she was doing at least 140."
"Yeah?......Sir, don't be trying to-----well, gotcha, 10-4, here are your papers, Sir,- I''m gonna go check out that Mustang, no speeding, dude!" (wink)
"Gee, thanks! Goodnight officer". (wink and grin)
Do you take advantage of breathtaking opportunities to obfuscate facts, even flamboozle the cops to fabricate pathways to freedom? Do you choose to hasten the slowdown, discombobulate the outcome? Do you hurry up the investigation, rapidly speeding to a walking crawl or hurriedly screeching to a halt? The legal profession displays superior opportunistic professionalism at the art of obfuscation.
Dear Mrs. Schlappenveiner;
As I advised you on Tuesday at lunch, just prior to your incarceration, darling, nothing has changed. Please remain assured that, as promised, my lips are sealed. I am still officially mortified to hear of the untimely death of your husband last month. I do hope the warden has allowed you to read this important document unopened.
Further to your request and our discussions of April 1st, 2012, kindly find herein a summary of the findings of the investigation into your defense and a simplified recap of Section a.. 1 a) 1.4.iii Probate inquiry and a summary of the applicable
Whereas and herein the plaintiff , a witness to this action has also contested Mr.Schlappenveiner's last wishes, will and testament, estate withstanding, and is in agreement in principle and acknowledges that the matter outlined herein as may or not be required or applicable to the defendant, after this date but, notwithstanding, may request in writing or other form of communication including electronic transfer, direct communication through O.O.C & B, or other solicitor at this office, forthwith, herein, hereto, and hereafter, may contract or otherwise file complain that the plaintiff or representatives thereof shall be free to additionally write long paragraphs in small print, precluding all details required and is hereafter authorized within the limitations and addendum to this agreement hereafter specifically Section a. 1a)1.4iii and others as may be applicable to add demands and applicable consultations including a lot of extra incomprehensible words and obfuscated
Any section of this agreement not deemed essential to the spirit and meaning of this contract including section a.1a 1.4.iii or any )subsection thereof up to and including this date, and may be post dated, modified, authorized without further action on the part of the plaintiff including the requirement for exemplary exclusion that may or may not be deleted or selected at the discretion of the representatives of the defendant or the plaintiff which addss, influences, modifies, flamboozles, decimates, eradicates, abdicates, or flammigates and flummoxes without prejudice any and all parts of this agreement herein and hereafter including the misunderstanding of the incomprehensible documention in long run-on sentences or other devices that tend to confuse and distract from the content in section including subsection c) iii and subsection d) iv, para. 4.1 and Section a. 1a) 1.4iii . Inclusive and interpretive obfuscation within the meaning of subsection 1a)1.4iii may be altered, changed or interpreted within the meaning of this contract without notice and do not intend to burn your eyes out or mean anything specifically until the sub-clause becomes applicable and in force, and the defendant or plaintiff herein may forever and hereafter add applicable addendums to this document from time to time and to the content of subsections herein prior to the insertion of further intent and meaning of ii), iii) para. 2 and clarify subsequent agreements to eliminate confusion or additionally distract from the content as may or may not be the intention and meaning of the content herein according to the interpretation of all applicable probate law in the State of Unconsciousness if applicable in that jurisdiction or locality, district or mayhem otherwise appointed by the court and subsequent claimants.
The subsequent discovery and revelation of Vingaart's latest Will and Last Testament in the vaults of H.Schlummerbacher, Petoinkus, Non Compis Mentis & Fat has come as a complete surprise and has disqualified all sections and paragraphs of the preceding issues as clarified above and hereby precludes procedural outlines and proceedings equally in response to the investigative authority inferred, authorized or prepared by Mr. Schulummerbacher, of Schulummerbacher, Petoinkus et al. (H.P. NCM. &F. Inc. being one and the same )
We are sure this summary of the investigation has clarified the issues and has affirmed the investigative force of this matter and has been investigated and reported to the warden and to your satisfaction.
May your dear Vingaart now be removed from your basement freezer and interred to rest in peace knowing his affairs pre mortem, post mortem and rigor mortis in totem are in perfect order.
Clara, as you know, my cohorts, colleagues, consorts and retorts are always available to assist you as required in your time of difficulty.
I do hope the warden allows us domestic visitation. See you Friday...
I. D. Obfuscate LLBS
S.O. Opportunistic, Obuscation, Confusion & Blather, Inc.
( c/o Pedunkle Maximum Security Prison)
" the Finest Legal Service available behind bars Today"
P.S. Clara, darling, our reasonable fee of $109,850.03 in this matter will be deducted from the final estate settlement should you wish to be robbed in that fashion, or if you have so elected, cash, cheque or credit cards are all acceptable. Interest rate is calculated daily on unpaid bills at the rate of 28.8% with penalties not exceeding 100% daily calculated at the discretion of OOC&B or affiliated representatives whenever they so choose to do so and may equally initiate actions at their own satisfaction. Obfuscate, Opportunistic Crooks &Blather are always pleased to drain your bank account and provide all of your legal opportunistic obfuscation and other blathering requirements.
P.S.S. As you know, my Uncle Mouchoir Fergulboots of Mouchoir Fergulboots Funeral Homes Inc. provides funeral services and green see-through cookie-jars for ashes and such at 50% off.
As we previously discussed, he would be happy to provide you with the deep family discount.
Why small print?
Opportunistic legal obfuscation,
By the way, is the cat stealing the raccoon? Is he rescuing the cat? Which opportunistic obfuscation is he using?
Perhaps your eyes are deceiving you; visual opportunistic obfuscation also works.
Um......Which way did you say that red Mustang went?
Is that incoming I hear?